‘Some glad morning when this life is over, I’ll fly away…’
When I looked into those eyes,I knew the truth.A simple truth.I understood the deceit and the trick that had been played on me.If I’m being honest,I wanted to act out my lie.But that’s all it was,a lie.I remember when I saw you, after you’re mother had been in labor for hours.Im still not sure if its more appropriate to call her you’re mother or my wife.I prefer the first because the two latter words taste like sulphur on my tongue.The labour had been one of those that it seemed at some point a choice would have to be made.I had been in such a fright for the entire time that I lit up a cigarette,a habit I quit when I heard that you’d be coming around in a few months.The math never seemed to add up but she was my angel,my rock,my Mary.So it couldn’t have been.But with each passing night our bed became a perpetual nightmare.Each night wondering if it was Jezebel or Mary sleeping across from me.I had alot of questions to ask and alot of answers I didn’t want to hear.So I waited and and eventually the bump really couldn’t be called a bump anymore.At times I wanted to knock on her womb and ask you questions I was too cowardly to ask your mother.In those times evil thoughts consumed me.Evil intentions that made me visit the halls of a god I stopped believing in a long time ago.Praying for some false pentacoastal prophet to exorcise these demons from my head.But there were no gods to save me and this was my cross to bear,”Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabachthani”.The only thing that kept me from descending into madness was the
idea that when I cast my eyes on you,my fears and doubts would be cast away.My demons will descend back to the abyss from whence they came and I would be saved,reborn as a new man.
But when I saw you in the arms of the exhausted nurse.I knew.There was no running or escaping from the truth.You weren’t mine.You’re mother had passed out on the maternity bed,exhausted from expelling the sin from her womb.I didn’t pick you up,I didn’t wish or want hold you.I just walked from the hospital floor I was at to the highest floor.I wanted to see the city and all its lights one more time.Before I flew and like the fallen angels cast from heaven,descend to the earth.
‘To a home on God’s celestial shore, I’ll fly away….’